Funny why is it quotes

The trouble is, they are usually married to each other. Doctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too. A failure is like fertilizer; it stinks to be sure, but it makes things grow faster in the future.

Men are like shoes. Some fit better than others. The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth. Americans are incredibly impatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. As you get older three things happen. By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day. If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask?

Do they get smart just in time to ask questions? Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

Then by all means follow that path. We hope our collection of funny quotes from comedians, celebrities, and philosophers made you laugh out loud and gives you the cheer you need to get through the day.

Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh , and stay inspired. Quincy Seale. Laughter truly is the best medicine for your soul. What's that?

What's that you say? You say today is G'bye, I'm going out to play! I took that as a yes. The horse whinnied angrily. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? I didn't answer that one. If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff?

I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one. Was Annabeth my girlfriend? At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves. Then I want to move in with them. Read More: Karma Quotes. Read More: Self Love Quotes. Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life! Be crazy, be stupid, be silly, be weird.

Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.

We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne. It lasts forever.

There are only three ages for women in Hollywood: babe, district attorney and Driving Miss Daisy. The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize. As you get older, three things happen. These quotes are from a variety of famous business leaders , writers, entertainers, politicians, experts, entrepreneurs , and other famous and not-so-famous people. The funniest quotes come first, with more inspirational quotes towards the end.

Warren G. Bennis: "The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man, and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment. Alice Kahn: "For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three. Author Unknown: "If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees.

That'll do them in. Steve Wozniak, co-founder of Apple Inc. Author Unknown: "Never let a computer know you're in a hurry. Author Unknown: "The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books: "Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.

Pablo Picasso: "Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. Author Unknown: "The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back. Stewart Brand: "Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road.

Author Unknown: "A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history--with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila. Frank Lloyd Wright: "If it keeps up, man will atrophy all his limbs but the push-button finger. Max Frisch: "Technology…the knack of so arranging the world that we don't have to experience it. Henry David Thoreau: "Lo! Men have become the tools of their tools.